I can’t help but melt at the sound of his voice as he serenades the people who passionately listens to him and sing his songs. He has the sweetest voice I’ve actually heard, one that’s right in front of me.
But what surprised me most, was that, listening to his songs makes me think about this one person through and through. That person is all I can think about, the one who has been the inspiration in my poetries, the one who makes me so much happy, and yet the one who irritates me the most, one who completes my day but also the one who makes me so sad and anguished.
I fell in love with his voice, that sweet, calm and soothing melody that rings in my ears, the harmony that plays on repeat, and a tune that I can’t erase from my head. He is amazingly good-looking and someone whom you would wish for a guy. He is someone who would make you forget your name and one whom you would want to stare for a very long time.
And yet I can’t stop thinking about this person. Now I understand something I have never understood before. It’s quite tiring. I don’t know if I’m just overreacting or if my feelings are actually valid, but it’s been like these for several times already and I don’t know what I did wrong.
I know that I’m speaking in riddles and metaphors, one that probably doesn’t make sense. Because that person does not make sense too. I want to understand. I have to understand. But sometimes I just can’t. It’s the same routine. The same things happens over and over again and I don’t know where I got it wrong.
His songs makes me think of that person and I can’t stop myself from drowning myself into misery. I don’t cry to a lot of people but I cried a lot because of that person. That person unveiled that side of me who becomes clingy, who becomes possessive, one who easily gets jealous, someone who can’t be at ease whenever that person is not around.
I just have this urge to let it all out because I might find myself crying all over again. I just don’t understand the feelings I harbor for that person. It’s unexplainable. It’s wrong. But I can’t stop myself from actually feeling those emotions.
But maybe that’s just who that person is. I just have to remind myself that it’s nothing personal and that it’s just how that person deals with situations. I just have to remind myself again and again that I was not the only person who felt that way.
Although it was the give-away that made me think if it’s actually normal or something is really wrong. Something isn’t right. I won’t have this kind of feeling if there isn’t something. Nonverbal actions and words that are too foreign in my ears have reached me and had caught me in surprise. I was taken aback. I didn’t expect that kind of reaction or treatment but I got it and it felt strange and sad.
I hope someday I’d know the reason why I hope one day I will understand what it all means. Because I may tolerate this but it would hurt each time it happens. And I’m just so tired of being in pain. I’d rather be in chains or being physically abused than emotionally ignoring me and she actually means to not notice me.