Realities

Sometimes we truly hate the things that hurt us the most, that makes us suffer emotionally and mentally but they have to happen. It’s not easy and it takes time to truly get a grip on the idea of its importance but once you do, you get to appreciate every little thing that happens in your life. Perhaps, I never got the chance to be in a serious relationship because I, myself was not getting serious with it. It’s as if I have been telling the universe that I still want to play around, that I am afraid of committing to other people, that probably they’d eventually hurt me. And indeed it was what’s happening. Of course for some time it was cool. No strings attached, no responsibilities, no hard decisions. But it gets tiring. Someone once said that at some point in our life we get to love the boring things and dislike the ones that offers invigorating feelings and that of an adrenaline rush. And it all boils down to that fact that I cant totally accept myself for who I am. I hate what I do, how I interact, how I deal with things, people, feelings and situations. Thus, I cant be open totally and fully to other people. I cant be the real me because the I hate the real me right now. And it got me thinking, do I wait for people to accept me for who I am? I cant even accept myself. It is also the same with romantic relationsips that I have longed to have. Do I wait for the man who would change me? And of course, it’s never a hard problem to solve. The answer is too simple. We change who we are, what we have been. We should aim to become what we can be proud of, what we can love. Eventually it becomes the real us. The real me. When I find it, I can be open to others, to be the real me. Because I have achieved the real me that I want. It wouldn’t be hard to be in relationships anymore. And I believe when that time comes, soon, it will be the most beautiful thing in the world.

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