An open letter to the person I used to like

It was never easy.  Harboring those kinds of feelings for you were not right.  I shouldn’t have felt that way but I did.  And being a human is not an excuse but what can I do?  I was a mere creature whose heart is too weak to withstand feelings of wanting to be loved and have someone to get intimate with. 
I can still clearly remember the day when it all started.  I was all by myself,  thinking of you,  wondering if we’ll see each other around even on weekends and then the realization hits me that I wanted to have more and more of you every single day.

I didn’t like you the first time I saw you. I believed you didn’t like me too. But even then I admire you.  I was fascinated at how you were so sure of what you want at such young age.  I was still lost at that time.  I didn’t know what to do with my life.  I just had this idea of living life as a collection of activities which involves work,  spending time with families and surviving on my own.  At that time,  I have forgotten temporarily about my dreams,  my aspiration,  my desires of becoming a real journalist,  a writer,  an author,  an influencer. But you were so passionate at what you do.  You were dedicated to the things you love.  You make people aspire for something they thought they could never have.  You were an aspiration.  And you had been my inspiration. 

But when things started to work out just a bit fine between us, we started having dinners together and have late nights chill. And the more time we spend each other,  the more I realize that I definitely like you.  And then,  when we had too many opportunities for conversations, the feelings got stronger and I began to admire you even more than how I used to. 

You were very supportive when it comes to my dreams even though sometimes I think its quite impossible.  You always encourage me to keep on writing and inspiring people.  You never failed to make me feel that I’m amazing and I can do more things if I just believe. You were not just someone I kmow,  but you were a friend,  a really really good friend and I would have wanted you as a bestfriend if I could. 

I can say a lot of good things about you and never ran out of it.  I can write all those things here but it wouldn’t be enough to how much you’ve changed me.  Yet despite of the things I could still write about you,  I must also make an end to this letter. 

You see,  this letter is not just a thank you letter,  an appreciation of what youve done for me, of how you have influenced me, and of how you made me see the world as full of opportunities and not just challenges but it’s also a goodbye letter, a farewell to that friendship we used to have, to that closeness we used to share,  to the feelings we both felt as how I have wanted to believe it. 

I have to say goodbye to the old us because its not there anymore.  A dent has been made in our relationship,  promises were broken,  the trust we both have for each was already lost in translation, anything that’s remotely related to something as close as concern and admiration shattered because of circumstances we could have avoided but happened anyway. 

After all those indifferences and uncertainties happened,  things were different between us already.  Honestly,  it crushed me and I felt myself so torn and I felt that beating heart of mine bleeding because of the pain and sadness of what had transpired between us.  I dont want to give up before.  I want to keep on fighting.  I wanted to have you in my life.  But I guess jt just wasnt meant to be.  You are one of those people who just had to pass by in my life.

Farewell,  my friend. It has not been an easy decision to make but I have to do it anyway.  You were everything I look for a bestfriend but my feelings have been getting confused and things are not the same between us anymore. Goodbye.  It could have been something special.  We could have had something really true and good but it just couldn’t be. 

I wouldn’t forget you because you taught me valuable lessons in life I should always remember. I have forgiven you as I believe you did forgive me too.  Seeing you around makes it harder to let go of what we have but I have to,  right?  We’re both happy now with whomever we’re with and thats good enough for both of us.  

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