Inconsistencies

When you smiled at me as we cross each other’s path

All the hurt and pain I’ve concealed resurfaced and materialized

The longing I’ve felt for quite so long

Stabbed and pierced through me like a double edged sword

 

If only I could shed the tears that has been kept for long

I’d probably broke down and let everything go

All the pent up pain, hurt and shame

Even the unconfessed feelings that I always try to conceal

 

As I go on every single day with you buried at the back of my mind

Taking one step at a time

Making myself believe that someday all these nonsense will go away

Thinking encouraging thoughts and aspirations I’ve dreamt

 

I recalled a time when I was deeply hurt

Crushed with jealousy when I saw you with her

Shared with that girl the laughter you used to have with me

And everything we had when we’ve been together

 

I told myself you used to smile at me that way

But even that only remains a wishful thinking

I’m almost full of hope that I’ll get over you somehow

Discard all these vile feelings which haunts me down

 

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Regardlessly You

 

Burying it all in the past
Unconfessed feelings, useless rants
Never going back to those melancholic nights
Tears falling endlessly from those weary eyes

 

Time will come when it’ll end
Hurt by conversations unintentionally listened
Stabbed with jealousy seeing you with them
I’ll get over it, just stop making me feel so happy and at bliss

 

And I thought I’ll get the courage
To write something which does not involve you in it
Guess I was wrong to ever thought its possible
Because until now it’s you who inspires everything that I can think of

 

When they say that your strength is also your weakness
I laughed at the absurdity of the idea
But when you came and suddenly walked away
I realize that they were telling me a huge painful reality

 

To stop thinking and talking about these things
Is something I wanted for myself a long time ago already
But how can I tell my heart that it is already too much
That I just have to let it go and be apathetic to that someone

 

The need of being needed

That need of being needed by somebody whom you knew is capable of taking care of themselves..
That it is only because of your stubborn heart that wants to become a part of their life and be sought after by them as well that you become too attached to them..
That you make yourself suffer by not letting them know that they mean so much more they became a detrimental part of your daily life
That you are in pain because their simple gestures and attentions means the world to you

 

That you assume they need you when in fact you need them more than they need you
That they’re the last person you expect not to tell you excatly what’s wrong with you
That eventhough you know they’re tired of putting up to you, you’re assured that they’ll never get tired of correcting you
That even if you can’t say what you want to say, they will let you know immediately if there’s a problem upfront

 

That you won’t ever think they’ll make sarcastic remarks towards you
That you won’t ever hear comments that spits venom and hurt
That because they know that you know that they’re always frank about their thoughts
That even though it will hurt you know they will say everything to you because they should have known that you need it more than they do

Drowned

Maybe you did find out that it was you
The inspiration in all the things that I do
The one who made my heart beat so fast
The only one who got to me when others were not able to

Next time when somebody walks in my life
And shows me with the same attention that you gave
I won’t let this heart of mine fall so deep
Because that someone will eventually leave like you did

It’s hard knowing that it didn’t last
It gave me hope that probably this might be my chance
I just never thought that it has to end as well
Like everything in my life that came

Accepting that it will never change
Knowing that I’ll never have you again
Deep breaths that I’ve been doing for quite some time
Calming the heart that cries for what we had

And now as I plug the earphones in my ears
Turning up the volume of the music I’ve been listening
Drowning the thoughts that invade my mind
Hoping it wil make me forget the emotions that I have to fight

Always You (Dein für Immer)

I guess this is how it’s suppose to end
Feelings that I shouldn’t have kept
Expectations which I have harbored
Unexpected events made it quite painful

Never thought this day would come
When I had to bury everything we have
Not to expect even if it’s so real
Not to hope even when it seems so true

I guess I can say again that I never thought it ends this way
Like raindrops in a cloudless day
My feelings that I wish shall fade
To be content with whatever’s left

It pains me to realize that it was just brief
Moments with you that gives me emotions that I deeply feel
Laughters and tears and everything in between
Feelings that are too strong which should go away

Guess I should be prepared for what comes next
A nonexpectant Mädchen I should be
No words can encompass how much you mean to me
Nothing can equate to how you’ve changed me

Why’s

Seems like you’re  the only tune I can hear
The melody that plays repeatedly on my head
Now I believe them when they say that when you like somebody
You notice everything about them

I don’t know what I’d do
If eventually you’d find out that it’s all about you
You might construed it as something else
Not the feelings that I’ve actually felt

Sorry for the white lies
Sorry if I’m trying to hide
These feelings I’m keeping inside
Sentiments that make me sigh

Now I understood why
Now I know the reason behind
Feelings that you’ve displayed
Actions which you have framed

I’m tired of keeping these all in
I can’t even admit to myself what’s real
And even though I’ve known the reason behind
It isn’t just enough to explain those why’s

What Ifs

I wonder why you never ask
Who makes my heart beat so fast
It’s not the usual you
Asking questions is what you always do

I’ve been asking myself of what if’s
What if you knew that I did like you
And you’re just waiting for me to slide
To reveal the feelings that I’ve longed hide

If this is what I think it is
A games, a test, a challenge you’re proposing
Then I won’t back fown and just surrender
I’ll play your game, accept your challenge but not on your order

Left me clueless and undecided
Lost and confused on what to do
Attraction muddling the brain somehow
Putting it off just for now