Moving On? 

Lots of people are saying that moving on is important, that you can’t start anew unless you do.  But what if you don’t have to? What if the feeling will always be there and you just have to understand the beauty of having that feeling and that it has become a part of who you have been? 

And so lets answer the question,  “Why can’t you really “move on” with the person you truly,  dearly like? ”

Because he was that person who became the standard for every relationship that you’d like to get yourself involved in. He has everything you have always wanted with the person you want to fall in love with. He became the basis of everything you have ever dreamed of and though you shouldn’t really judge people,  you could never avoid it nor could you deny that at some point you have or you had the tendency to compare those you have gone out with to that single person you have always desired and reveled. 

Eventhough the actual person to whom you based your standards would become someone you can’t actually have and will never have,  you’d always have that certain level of admiration for that person.  You might not be one to get head over heels with that someone already but you will always think highly of him. 

He became the person who is perfect for you.  He is the one who complemented you.  He was that someone you wanted to become. And in a lifetime,  we could only find one person to whom we won’t get over with or probably in today’s term,  “move on” or we could even say our first love. It’s hard. Espeecially when that person does the things you always had imagine for your future partner in life. Because then you would always cling to an unforeseen future.  It might not be something really positive but its unpredictable. And the unpredictability of the situation makes it exciting but at the same time painful (if it doesnt happen the way you wanted it to be,  or at least what you hoped to be).

And even the feelings you harbor doesn’t end in a good note,  I’m pretty sure that the person you’re riveted to,  the one you can’t move on from,  your first love,  will inspire you to do a lot of things you never thought you can do.  The admiration you have for that person will give you the drive to discover yourself if not improve who you are and become a better version of you. The feelings you possess are too strong that it needs an outlet. It becomes like an excess energy to which you should utilize to do things that will help you grow as a person. 

This is why moving on is not an option.  You just have to acknowledge the fact that you truly admire that person.  You have to understand that when one finds that someone to whom he or she would dote, it doesnt really go away because that person becomes the basis for a lot of things that goes on with one’slife. You might not yet totally understand now but when you do find your first love, you’ll find yourself accepting the feeling as it is. 

People say you have to get on with yourl life, to forget, to have a brand new start.  But you don’t necessarily have to.  You just have to understabd the beauty of it,  acknowledging it, accepting it but not embrace it.  You have to see its importance in your life.  And that it will hurt,  it will hurt you so bad but its necessary because you will only gain true happiness when you finally feel what its like to be totally and completely hurt. 

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Relationships, Dating, etc.

We often read of compatibility readings and how zodiac signs are matched specifically. While this is very true, I’d like to say that Capricorn women are one of the best to date, if not for one to get himself with in a relationship. I’d like mention some interesting facts about them (which I guess you would have read some already) and yet I’d like to explain further some of their strong qualities that makes them wonderful ones to get out with.

 

Capricorn women are loyal, determined and dependable. When they involve themselves in a relationship, they stick to it and treat it as somewhat sacred and essential. They are very loyal partners, which means that you would have their full attention. And since Capricorn women are self-motivated, they don’t easily give up and even when they fail, they still move on and think of alternatives on how to get back up. On the other hand, it could be a disadvantage since it could lead to stubbornness. Capricorns being assertive, they want to be wanted, be accepted, and be acknowledged. That being said, they could give you quite a hard time when you try to reason out with them, especially when they can’t see some sense with your decisions and choices.

 

Also, Capricorn women are cautious and does not just easily get swayed and persuaded. This means that you cannot be easily judged because Capricorn women tend to go over facts and evidences before concluding something or making any big decision. They are calculative and doesn’t want to risk a lot but at the same they don’t also want to not do anything because being Capricorn, they are responsible thereby, it is in their core to want to take actions to anything that needs to be decided upon. But they are also over thinkers and so, Capricorns tend to take a lot of time coming up with a judgement or a resolution for any matter at hand.

 

Lastly, Capricorn women are adventurous. Sure they are calculative and cautious, but they are also ambitious which means that they have that inner desire to explore new things. They are also self-motivated which means that the capability of allowing themselves to be exposed to something new, that is, outside of their comfort zones, comes from within. They don’t need anyone or somebody to inspire them. Their inspiration are themselves and their drive to explore unchartered territories. And because they are determined, nothing will deter them from accomplishing what they’ve set to do.

 

There are still a lot of interesting traits a Capricorn women possess but I believe, that those are the top three things that describes a Capricorn woman perfectly. It will not work for everybody but life is all about trying out new things and making yourself open to possibilities and chances. You never know what lies ahead of you unless you try.

 

Recollections

This is quite weird because this is something I should have written before the year ends but I think its just fitting I write it today.  I mean,  what better way to start the year than to reflect on what you have accomplished the previous year and start composing your targets for the year to come,  right?  🙂 So anyway,  I keep on thinking how I have generalized my 2017 as a year of emotional instabilities.  Probably just the jitters of midlife crisis.  But it has been, and yet more than those instabilities was a year of unlocked achievements.  I got too emotional, my feelings blinding my memory because I fail to see the great things I’ve accomplished  this year and failed God to acknowledge it and by writing this,  even though its too late,  I know He understands me.  So anyway,  yeah.  Accomplishments.  I realized I should be really thankful for a lot of things.  First,  I finally have an MBA Degree. It wasn’t easy and if not for my mom I wouldn’t have succeeded. Second, I passed the A2 and B1 exam for the German Language thus earning lots of privileges. Third, I got transferred to another ream with a totally different process and although there were lot of skeptics and criticisms,  I was very grateful for the opportunity. There are a lot more little accomplishments but that would take a me a lot of pages that you won’t  probably have time to read it so I’ll just skip it anyway.  Hahaha.  I also experienced a lot of good things. I’ve gotten to know a lot of great people.  I knew myself better. With criticisms I have been receiving for the last 365 days,  I got to understand myself more. I’ve learned a lot of lessons.  And so much more. Yes,  it was emotional because I’ve somehow lost someone for a while this year, things have been pretty awkward and that person knows that.  I had some arguments with somebody which rocked the relationship that we have. I “fell in love” with someone and I thought it was real.  (But seriously it was all gone and fine now.  I realize I was just fantasizing and admitting it to someone I respect dearly made me wake up from that madness.) I have made quite a few discoveries which somehow affected the way I saw circumstances and events. I committed a lot of mistakes,  broken promised and betrayed trusts that it ate me up for quite some time too.  All of these led me to a single realization that I am growing up. I am undergoing a phase.  It might have been a little bit late for me.  But I believe all of us have our own timelines.  I remember telling myself something like this.  Its hard to accept that you’re wrong.  But its even harder to accept the facf that you’re somebody who has a difficulty of accepting that they’re wrong. What I’m trying to say is,  it was hard for me to accept that I’m undergoing a phase.  And by undergoing I mean that I had to see the worst part of myself. But I know that now.  I had to go thru all of that in 2017 so I am better equipped for 2018.

Paradox

Life is full of paradox and contradictions. We intend to send a message of despair and regret and yet what gets acknowledged is a feeling of offense. We want to help and lend a hand yet it was thought as an act of taking advantage. We want to show that we can do more and yet it’s misconstrued as an act of arrogance and pride. 

We follow rules and be told that we’re just afraid.  We cry in desperation and be accused of being dramatic. We laugh even in turmoil to ease the hurt and pain and then be called out because we’re being inconsiderate. We keep silent to avoid tensions and be scolded because we can’t speak up for ourselves. 
We do something different and be ridiculed, told that we’ve changed.  We try to be confident yet others call it boastful.  We change and yet it wouldn’t still be recognized.

 

It hurts.  It’s like a knife pierced in the depths of our soul.  It’s depressing.  It’s confusing.  It makes you pull your hair. 
But what can we do. That’s how the world roll.  What we do is to take it on a different perspective,  see it in another way,  even if we’re the only ones who sees it anyway.

Self-love 

It’s kinda hard though.  Self-love, I mean. They say you have to embrace your flaws,  your imperfections,  who you are. But what if you are a monster within yourself? What if by being yourself you’re hurting the people around you already?  What if..  What if by embracing your imperfections you are limiting yourself to changes that could make you at least better than what you’re used to?  And when that happens, you are becoming a toxic to yourself.  Your hurting yourself and not just the people around you.  You crumble inside,  desperate and in despair.  You say you cannot control your feelings and that there is no right nor wrong one?  I don’t know.  I have a hard time accepting the fact.  Because embracing feelings as neutral,  as neither right nor wrong is accepting that you are entitled to what you feel and I don’t think you should be.  You are entitled to a feeling if its justifiable,  if it makes sense.  But if it doesn’t, you should try to diminish that feeling,  even though it is a struggle within yourself.  Because in the end,  you’re the only one who will be destroyed by it.  Flaws, imperfections,  irrational feelings,  unjustified actions. The world is full of evil and errors.  I just hope that the day we will be all glorified and clothed with righteousness is almost near. 

Realities

Sometimes we truly hate the things that hurt us the most, that makes us suffer emotionally and mentally but they have to happen. It’s not easy and it takes time to truly get a grip on the idea of its importance but once you do, you get to appreciate every little thing that happens in your life. Perhaps, I never got the chance to be in a serious relationship because I, myself was not getting serious with it. It’s as if I have been telling the universe that I still want to play around, that I am afraid of committing to other people, that probably they’d eventually hurt me. And indeed it was what’s happening. Of course for some time it was cool. No strings attached, no responsibilities, no hard decisions. But it gets tiring. Someone once said that at some point in our life we get to love the boring things and dislike the ones that offers invigorating feelings and that of an adrenaline rush. And it all boils down to that fact that I cant totally accept myself for who I am. I hate what I do, how I interact, how I deal with things, people, feelings and situations. Thus, I cant be open totally and fully to other people. I cant be the real me because the I hate the real me right now. And it got me thinking, do I wait for people to accept me for who I am? I cant even accept myself. It is also the same with romantic relationsips that I have longed to have. Do I wait for the man who would change me? And of course, it’s never a hard problem to solve. The answer is too simple. We change who we are, what we have been. We should aim to become what we can be proud of, what we can love. Eventually it becomes the real us. The real me. When I find it, I can be open to others, to be the real me. Because I have achieved the real me that I want. It wouldn’t be hard to be in relationships anymore. And I believe when that time comes, soon, it will be the most beautiful thing in the world.

Schreiben

You should never be afraid of expressing yourself, may it be by opening up to other people or through writing.  Writing has, personally, been my outlet of my frustrations, happiness, dreams and hopes, fears. Thru writing, readers experience bliss by being transported into the world of fiction and fantasy. Writing has been my way of expressing my feelings, thoughts, desires, fears, anxieties and too many emotions that have been kept inside and left unexpressed. Thru it, memories, discoveries, observations are recorded, remembered, noted. More than anything, it inspires people, makes them happy, gives them hope. With people writing all over the world, there will always be chances for you to find somebody who would understand you and acknowledge what you’re going through as well as what you actually feel.